Ned Stark's Replies
Forum Replies Created
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I’d recommend swapping “either” and “lie”, so that the sentence flows better. That’s just my opinion though.
Attachments:
"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." ~Marcus Aurelius
Game: "Characters with a height advantage against their opponents are harder to hit"
Me: "That's not true, and my short axeman is living proof!"From 0.9.0.20
It’d sound better if you changed the word “started” to -> “start”
OR
If you change the end of the sentence, “… if we don’t finish what we’ve started.”For the blue underline, if you’re Having Alwin reply to Asgeir in this case…
It may be a better choice for the sentence to flow like this:“Alwin the Champion replies to Asgeir with a pad on the shoulder, “But you are already known in every tavern and alehouse in the land for falling asleep in your beer”.
You do not need the comma between “land” and “for”.
Attachments:
"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." ~Marcus Aurelius
Game: "Characters with a height advantage against their opponents are harder to hit"
Me: "That's not true, and my short axeman is living proof!"Got it to freeze again. It seems that when an AI mercenary wants to move to a location, and cannot… then he simply sits down and waits for eternity. The game music continues to play, and the app isn’t hanging or anything. The mercenary simply does not want to move.
I have attached a second log file of this alternate battle in case you can spot similarities.
Attachments:
"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." ~Marcus Aurelius
Game: "Characters with a height advantage against their opponents are harder to hit"
Me: "That's not true, and my short axeman is living proof!"1)
I think you meant to say, “handlers” instead of “handles”2)
I believe that this first sentence would sound better if you wrote it as…“The battle’s settled, as is a wager or two that the men had.”
(Include comma, add the word “that”)
Just a suggestion, of course."It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." ~Marcus Aurelius
Game: "Characters with a height advantage against their opponents are harder to hit"
Me: "That's not true, and my short axeman is living proof!"If you add the word “the” before the quest location, it may sound a bit better.
Attachments:
"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." ~Marcus Aurelius
Game: "Characters with a height advantage against their opponents are harder to hit"
Me: "That's not true, and my short axeman is living proof!"This one’s more for new players to comprehend what exactly is going on when they read the “Contract Locked” tooltip.
I’d recommend changing “…fulfill the ambition…” to -> “…fulfill an Ambition…” so that a newer player, and the audience that this tooltip is aimed at, would understand clearly that an Ambition is a major element of this game that they need to be focused on, and not just a sort of typo.
P.S.
I’d also recommend capitalizing, italicizing or bolding the word “Renown”, so that the reader also knows that this is a major element of the game too.Attachments:
"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." ~Marcus Aurelius
Game: "Characters with a height advantage against their opponents are harder to hit"
Me: "That's not true, and my short axeman is living proof!"Red underline:
I think it sounds very strange to say, “…and the gods know what else…”.
(The saying is ‘only God knows what else’)
If you want to play off that saying, I’d suggest changing the red underlined portion to “… brigands and only the gods know what else are terrorizing these parts…”The reason this sounds odd is not only because of the alteration of that saying, but also because you re-use “know” in the same sentence (repeated descriptive word usage in a sentence is typically bad, i.e. I wouldn’t say, “We know that the Necrosavant knows that we’re right here”).
Perhaps try to replace “We both know…” with something like, “It’s common knowledge that…”.
Blue underline:
Switching “…and they all are quite fond of the roads.” to -> “…and they are all quite fond of the roads.” would sound much better, as it is better syntax.Green underline:
You don’t need to use the word “the” for “…guards lost the heart…” (Though I suppose you could use “the”).
I think it’d be better to use “…my old caravan guards have lost heart for the job.”.Lastly, these are only suggestions…
If you ever want to reach out to me for any assistance on grammar/syntax, etc, I’d love to help! I’ve sent Overhype Studios a friend request on Steam (My username on there is “That One Guy”).Attachments:
"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." ~Marcus Aurelius
Game: "Characters with a height advantage against their opponents are harder to hit"
Me: "That's not true, and my short axeman is living proof!"Here’s a couple old text errors that I never got around to reporting:
In the first image, the word “you” needs to be omitted where I selected it.
The second image should have “he” added where I placed the red arrow.
Attachments:
"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." ~Marcus Aurelius
Game: "Characters with a height advantage against their opponents are harder to hit"
Me: "That's not true, and my short axeman is living proof!"
